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PARABLE FOR A FALSE MESSIAH

I was feeling like Jesus again when my dick fell off
like a piece of broken chalk, white and bloodless.
This got my attention.

I kneeled down to write in the sand
like he did, but there was no adulteress to forgive
and no one knows what he wrote anyway.

Once I did know, I mean, when I was him —
I thought I must have written
"Mercy triumphs over judgment."

Anyway, the sand was a lousy medium for chalk
so I got a blackboard and set it up
in the middle of dusty old Jerusalem.

The merchants thought I was setting up shop.
The Pharisees thought I was setting myself up as a teacher.
The Romans thought I was just another silly Jew.

Anyway, I wrote, all in capitals,
THERE IS NO SECOND COMING
WHEN YOUR DICK FALLS OFF!

      — Dweebler Cramden