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LOVE SONG TO MY WIFE, BY JACK SPRAT

Last week we fixed the door.
Today you broke the floor.
Every time you take a bath
I fear for every lath
And every beam and timber.
I am no longer young or limber
And it's really getting harder
To avoid your mammoth ardor —

I think we need to talk.
You can no longer safely walk
Without causing mass destruction
To the sturdiest construction
From the kitchen to the basement.
This will be the fifth replacement
Of the stairs. When you cannot make it
Through a door without a jimmy
Then I can no longer take it.
I've seen you in your shimmy.
I'd love you more, turtle dove,
If there were just a little less of you to love.

      — Judy Thompson