Enigma Machine

Love is an Enigma Machine. The only person who can figure it out is a gay British mathematician who committed suicide before you were born.

Love is a small electronic device made in a distant country. The instructions were written in English by people for whom English was not their first language. The buttons change function each time they are pressed, according to a schedule specified in the errata sheet that was never issued. It is water-resistant.

Love is a licorice-flavored liqueur, served in a dusty glass in a cold room.

Love is a song by a one-hit wonder. The recording artist is completely forgotten, although his girlfriend was later successful on Broadway. An oil millionaire from New Mexico bought the issuing label as a tax loss.

Love is a cat called Rascal, with white fur and a surprisingly friendly disposition.

Love is an obscure remark overheard at a masquerade party, made by a large woman in an elegant black evening gown with a champagne cocktail in her hand. She is surrounded by a small group of friends, who know the insulting way she speaks behind their backs.

Love is a sitcom aimed at children, written by an incredibly gifted writer who is addicted to heroin.

Love is the car that pulls ahead of you in traffic, engine revving as it shifts lanes, cutting you off to gain eight feet of distance before both of you come to a stop at a red light.

Love is the green glass of a bottle of unexpectedly good Merlot purchased at a low price from the local market.

Love is a cool breeze on a warm August night.

Love is a brand of spices owned by an import firm in Baltimore. The manager is a small, imaginative man who loves his wife much more than she deserves.

Love is the missing sock, the traveling salesman, the man from Nantucket.