Lickety-Split in 40 Seconds

entails watching her make
the condom herself.
After she slays the sheep,
rinses the intestinal membrane
in Canadian spring water,
and cures it overnight in a vat
of brine, hold yourself erect
as she wraps the sheath,
then secures the seam
with a glue gun.
Be certain after she allows insertion
that no sweating or kissing
is conducted, and the pumping is kept
to a minimum.
Be prepared for her orgasm to arrive
as soundless as puss paws in the fog
and well ahead of your own
whereupon she will deftly eject you,
and with a quick spritz and dusting
of talc, command waiting staff
to strip the bed of its sheets
while she positions herself
in an adjacent Jacuzzi
for her own jet of peppermint douche.